This is a Man's World...When it Comes to Dating

April 22, 2011

I’ve come to the conclusion that when it comes to relationships it is much easier to find a woman who wants to be in a relationship/marriage than it is to find a man who wants the same. Except in shows like How I Met Your Mother, you rarely find a fairly attractive, successful guy running desperately around the city trying to find the love of his life. However women have had books, plays and TV shows around this notion since at least the time of Jane Austin. I firmly believe that if a guy woke up one morning and decided that he was ready to be in a committed relationship it would not take him as long to encounter Ms. Right (or at least Ms. Seemingly Right) as it would for a woman.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying a man thinks it and so shall it be done. Monday if he says “Gee, I’d like to be in a loving relationship” it’s probably not going to happen by the end of the week. Maybe not in a few months but it’ll happen before big time frustration hits him. And he doesn’t have to change who he is, like society suggest women should, to make a relationship happen either. If a guy meets a girl, and he desperately wants to settle down, he will start from first date to do what he has to do to make it a relationship leading to marriage. If a guy wants it, it will come.

For women, the big lottery hope is that if you are a woman bent on being in a relationship, the easiest and best scenario is to meet a guy who is really wanting that too. A woman can cook, keep in shape and do all she needs to “secure” a relationship, but if she’s not with the guy mentioned in the previous paragraph she may have a battle on her hands to reach monogomy. Since most men don't grow up playing pretend wedding the odds are against women that they are going to reach marriage at the time they thought they would and have to "manage expectations".

And since society puts it on the man to make the decision when or if the two get married or become monogamous (via the proposal or the talk about the status of the relationship), we are left with even less control unless we buck tradition but that's a strong hit or miss and for me not perferable, I want the whole on the knees ring please!

Now the reasons for this current state of affairs are many (urbanization, media, Playboy) and can be discussed at another time. But I will say this, we women should not have to bend over backwards in hopes that a guy will choose us if he is not doing the same for us (life is not a full time episode of The Bachelor). Men may hold more power but if they want a quality woman that doesn’t mean they can be lazy either because women still have the power to say no.

art: http://www.cliparttoday.com/ , http://www.toonpool.com/

The Pimp Slap Awards

April 17, 2011

Okay, Type A Cosmo girl does not condone unprovoked violence of any kind (unless it’s to a bug; I have no sympathy for them, since to me they are disease spreading trespassers). However, in comedic theory, if I were the aggressive type who had no fear of incarceration or building bad karma, I believe these people would be well deserving of an old school ,70’s blaxplotation, pimp slap…

1. People who talk too loud on the subway, movie theater, office. Really any public place, especially early in the morning. Why must you talk loud? No one needs to know that someone is kind enough to respond back to the words coming out of your mouth! Raises my hand…

2. People who are aggressive drivers or drive in such a way that makes me look like I am an aggressive driver (because of course I’m not!), especially those who don’t signal before jumping in front of me or jump in front with hardly any space for them causing me to veer off the lane or road. A pimp slap awaits you.

3. Verizon tech support service. Seriously you close after 9 (earlier on Saturdays) and aren’t open on Sundays? What kind of hillbilly foolishness is that? So if my service stops working Saturday after 5pm I’m out of luck until Monday morning? Even Comcast has around the clock service. Everyone over there, stand up in a single file line so it’s easier for me to slap you all.

4. To the woman who has my same name and almost the exact same social security number but horrendously bad credit- you got one coming. It took me several months to clear my credit when the lazy credit reporting companies just assumed you were me (even though the information is not the exact same and there were judgments against you before I was even born).

5. Lazy people. It’s a recession and you act like you don’t have to worry about keeping your job. Trust me; there are a lot of unemployed people out there willing to work hard to get the job done. And a pimp slap wake up call for you!

6. Teenagers.

7. Men who cat-call very inappropriate things especially when I’m on my way to work or with colleagues or on a date. It’s embarrassing. A pimp slap to you good sir!

8. Loud neighbors. I shouldn’t have to feel that I live below a minotaur. If you can’t walk like a regular human and not at obscene hours of the night, then stay on the first floor! Knock, knock, opens door, *pimp slap*

9. People who walk slow in front of you, particularly when you are getting off the subway or trying to get on or up the escalator to catch your train. I actually don’t want to pimp slap these people. I just want to pick them up Incredible Hulk style and toss them aside. Is that wrong?

10. Doctors and Hairdressers who make you wait a long time even though you have an appointment. If I wasn’t civilized and didn’t want to get seen at a particular time I wouldn’t have made an appointment. Otherwise I would have shown up whenever I wanted and headbutted anyone who was in front of me. But nooo, I follow the rules and end up waiting an extra hour to be seen. If only I could enlist the aid of my trusty pimp slap…

Who would be on your pimp slap list?

I Love the Night Life

April 15, 2011

And the day time. So I’m that elusive mix of early bird and night owl (I enjoy naps in the middle of the day, thank you). Especially in the warm weather. I love to get out in the early weekend morning with the cool breeze, bright sun and quiet before the hustle and bustle. The best is going to an outdoor market or for a long walk (well not too long, walked so far once I was contemplating taking a cab back). And in summer evenings I love getting dolled up and hitting the town all Sex and the City like with my pals and sipping girlie drinks and eating light bites in the outdoor section of the restaurant (the bugs have usually gone away so I’m not having to swat them away and ruining my appetite).


So if you’ve read my previous post where does a cosmo girl with a type-A personality like to roll at night in the relatively big city? Well, I can’t do crowds so thick my hair changes textures and I start to sweat (if I wanted a workout I’d have worn my gym clothes). I have to sit, afford the drinks, like the crowd (no disrespect, violence or skankery) and like the music (I have a limit on the amount of Little Wayne and crew that I can hear). The theme for me is bar/lounge not mega club. Here are just some of my stamped with approval spots in no particular order.

Marvins – (U St corridor)- first you have to like a place named after and with a focus on the late great Marvin Gaye. I like the music - on the first floor marvin classics of course, and on the second floor in the outdoor heated rooftop and indoor lounge is 70s-90s R&B and hip-hop (any place that plays Groove Theory gets an A in my book!) The food is yummy (first time trying chicken and waffles with collard greens and it agrees with me, haha!) and the crowd is diverse (age and race) which suits me fine. I’ll go back.

Lounge of Three –(U St. Corridor)- yes, another U street spot, I just like the vibe. The drinks are potent, the bartender is cool (Jeremy’s the best) and on Sundays (my favorite day to go) they have something called Living Room Sundays. You play board games, eat suitable bar grub, rock your body to some rhythms and meet cool folk who like to hang out on a Sunday afternoon.

Science Club (Dupont Circle)– I LOVE the veggie burgers here and the DJ is pretty good (I’ve only been on a Thursday night). In general the mellow vibe is my thing. This is not a dance spot but a fun chill spot for pre-gaming or post gaming.

Millie and Als (Adams Morgan)- generally not a fan of Adams Morgan because parking is a pain and the metro is not really (in my humble heel wearing opinion) in walking distance but on a Thursday I find that this place is just plain fun for karaoke (I sing a mean Love is a Battlefield), the crowd is great, and the drinks are really reasonable. Can’t beat that.

Wonderland Ballroom- (Columbia Heights)- yes this is in a “transitional neighborhood” but I actually like residential areas in the city, not as congested (in theory) but still near all the action. Wonderland is a cool, eclectic spot with all types of folk who want to chill, dance, have a reasonably priced drink and not have to wear heels out (some days I want to really dance but I can’t move like Beyonce in heels so I needs my flats).

More to come in future postings so stay tuned! I’m always searching, so if you have suggestions please do share. Preferably in the DC metro area but I’m always traveling so knowing spots in your neck of the woods is great too!

Black Movies You Might Want To Check Out

April 12, 2011

Since lately we can only get a trickling of black movies in between Tyler Perry’s Madea Domination (what happened to the Jumping the Broom advertisements after the Madea’s Big Happy Family ones started to show, what there can’t be two black movies advertised on TV at once?), I thought it only appropriate to highlight under the radar black movies that do not involve a man dressed as a large unattractive smart mouthed black woman and that didn’t get much play or any play in the theaters or BET/TV ONE (sorry Three Can Play That Game won’t be listed). Here are some of my favorites:

1) Love Sex and Eating the Bones: It has Hill Harper in it. Nuff said. Okay, a little more. It’s a romantic comedy which usually isn’t my thing but I gave it a shot this time around and liked it and its original plot line.

2) I’m Through With White Girls  – now the title kind of put me off but I took a chance and I found the movie so adorable. It diffinetly went against the stereotypical roles of blacks in film. The main character is a black comic book nerdish guy who only dated white women because they were what he encountered in his world. Then he meets a black woman (biracial really) from the valley and well, you’ll have to check it out. But I’ve seen it twice and would watch it again. And that’s saying a lot for a girl that hates rom-coms.

3) Cadillac Records - not sure how many folks got to see this movie about the company but I can say I didn’t mind Beyonce’s performance in this as Etta James.

4) Daughters of the Dust-  I remember seeing this movie ions ago as a child. It was on PBS I believe and I thought it was so beautiful and I was fascinated with the Gullah http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gullah people since then. I actually can’t recall what it was about but the images of the island are still with me so if you are into arts cinema, I would recommend.

5) Miracle at St. Anna- A spike Lee joint. He can be hit or miss but if you are into war movies and looking at cute guys (hehe) I’d recommend this one. It actually made me cry.

6) Sparkle - before Dreamgirls there was this 1970s classic and if you are an Envoge fan you will know two of the songs that were originally performed by Aretha Franklin for the soundtrack of this album. "Given him something he can feeel, to let him knoooow this love is reaaal"!

7) Claudine-  this is one of the first non blaxpotation movies of the seventies and stars James Earl Jones and Diahann Carol. Worth a look!

8) Cornbread, Earl and Me  – just to see Lawrence Fishburne as a kid was enough for me, haha. But I really liked when they made good black books into movies. That’s a rarity now (other than Push) and quite sad because there are plenty of quality authors out there who could have great movies made of their books instead of all these recycled stage plays.

9) Colley High - I swear I was not a child of the 70s but they had some entertaining films then. This was even ranked in Entertainment Weekly’s 50 best High school movies (better have beat High School Musical!)

10) Sarafina!-actually saw this in school and it resonated with me. It’s a musical as well and tells the story of a student protest and apartied South Africa.

Then there are some mainstream ones I implore you to see again: Lean on Me, The Wiz, Higher Learning, Mahogany, Lady Sings the Blues, The Best Man, Posse. Got any to recommend to me?

What's In A Name?

April 10, 2011

Just finished reading this article I spotted on Yahoo and it got me to thinking- does a name determine your future? We know that there are a lot of cultures that hold special meaning to names because they want their children to be as great as the name they are given.

I’m not convinced that if you are given a certain type of name it will influence the path you take in life. Carlton the Fourth, may sound like a guy who will reach much success on wall street and Shaniqua may sound like your hair stylist from around the way but that doesn’t mean that that is what they are. A guy who is “the fourth” can easily become some loser living in his mama’s basement at the age of 40. And a Shaniqua can become a successful lawyer.

No, I don’t think your name can affect your own personal choices but I do believe it effects what others think of you and that can affect the options that are open to you in the future. For instance I have an older first name and often, to my shock and horror, I find myself receiving newsletters and sign up forms from the AARP. One day soon I’m going to sign up. It’s a recession; I could use the discounts.

Also, my last name is a Jewish last name so I’ve received mailings from Jewish social groups. This was more common when I lived in a large Jewish community so I’m sure it was a combination of the two.

These things are actually harmless and I’m pretty lucky I have a name that’s "ethnically generic". A woman I met shared a story that when she applied for college she did not put in her race. However, when she came to the college she found that they had put in her ethnicity as Latin. This woman was African American; however, she has a first and last name that appears Spanish. It bothered her because she didn’t place in her race because she did not deem it relevant and instead of the school letting her remain undefined, they made a decision based on her name.

I know that if I get a job, no one is assuming my race if they did not interview me prior. As an aspiring writer, I try my darndest to write diverse characters because I don’t want to be pigeon-holed as a writer of color and having a name like mine helps in that goal.

I’m hoping with a unique name like Barack Obama not being a hindrance to his success (although it was much discussed), we can get past any obstacles to help us reach our goals. And one day these names won’t even be worthy of discussion. We give power to our names, not the other way around. And if you don’t believe that, ask Oprah.

We Can Dance If We Want To

It’s Friday, I’m a single, outgoing, self appointed cosmopolitan girl (who is a bit trapped in the suburbs but that’s a tale for another day). I’m not a 21 year old but slightly older (and if anyone who knows me tells just how slightly older prepare to fear for your safety) but still likes to be out and about. And in the age of Diddy dancing, J. Lo’s legs, Halle’s hotness and Brad’s buffness, well getting older isn’t what it used to be.

And with the new “grown and sexy” crowd comes a lifestyle that wasn’t shown in your old 70s and 80s TV shows. You don’t hit a certain age and all of a sudden sport elastic waist band jeans, white tennis and turtle necks (no, you get those when you’re 3! I’m still bitter about this style insult- thanks Dad). I hated turtlenecks then and I hate them now!

Age is a state of mind and hotness comes along with it. It’s not about acting immature or wearing inappropriate clothing to seem youthful; it’s about personifying the best of you and making it look good. If you need a hint on what growing older with grace and sex appeal looks like check out my inspiration Helen Mirrin. If I look that in shape in my 60s then hit me over the head if I start complaining (okay, don't hit me I will sue).

So you’re hot, you’re feeling energetic, what are you doing on a Friday or Saturday night, staying home and watching repeats of Sex and the City? Sometimes, yes but other times you want to get out and live like the gals in Sex and the City! If you’re in bed by 9pm on a Saturday night, one of several things has occurred: illness/injury, depression, a really good movie, a storm, some company. Otherwise you have the right to party. And if you live in a city like Washington DC, nightlife promoters are starting to see the growing need to supply a sophisticated night life to the late twenties through early 40s crowd.

Now it’s a delicate balance. You don’t want a crowd full of scantily dressed gals and baggy pants wearing boys waiting in line in the cold for 30 minutes. The grown and sexy crowd doesn’t like to wait or be surrounded by kiddies. You don’t want a place with no seats unless you pay hundreds of dollars for reservations. This isn’t Vegas and the grown and sexy crowd needs a break in between songs. You also don’t want mash-ups of 70s tunes or line/hand dancing. The grown and sexy crowd isn’t that grown; we don’t want to party with our parents! We want to see and be seen in our trendy frocks, not wait, sit down, drink martinis (or beer), eat a light bite, listen to Tribe Called Quest and Kanye West and dance to 3am (or just 11pm) if we want to! Generation Xers and Yers, this is still your time!

…Now where are these places? Stay tuned…

There's small then there's this...

Okay, this woman has a 90 square foot apartment. I know she's in New York but they really don't go this small do they? But I realize that when you only spend $700 in rent in Manhattan where rent can be like $3000 that you get what you pay for but just watching this made me nausuas. I think I'd rather do a longer commute where I could afford the space (like I'm doing now) than live where all the fun is but in an affordable closet!