I’m a girl so by definition I will gripe. It’s what I do, it’s why females make the best talk show hosts. We gots thangs to say and we say them…often. So after numerous email, brunch powwows, girlfriend get togethers, soliloquies, I decided once and for all to do a post about a topic that has been haunting me since I first started dating. To teach or not to teach a guy about proper dating etiquette otherwise known as “things his mama or papa should have told him growing up”.
K, so I get torn between the school of “you can’t train/change a man” and the school of “well if you don’t tell him how will he know?”. I feel that women are used to the former but if you think about it a lot of men will say the latter. I don’t think I can change a man BUT I do believe that you can tell a man what you want and if done the right way and with a man who actually cares, you can “inspire” him to change. I seent it (she says in her Craig Robinson voice). The trick is to do it in a way that is not demanding and gives a guy the desire to want to do it because he wants to see you happy not because he doesn’t want to be nagged or fight with you.
So here are some things I and some other females believe a guy should just know especially by the time they hit 30.
· Walk me to my car after the date
· Call me on the phone instead of texting all the time
· First date should be somewhere close to me or at least a middle distance, not close to him
· Plan a few dates instead of the last minute “what are you up to tonight”, particularly for the first couple of dates
· If I’m in a jam (car broke down, sick with a non lethal illness) offer to help.
You might have other pet peeves but these are just the ones that grind my gears. So what’s the fix for these? Do you put up with it and gripe to your gal pals or do you tell the guy?
Turn the page.
If they don’t change, then walk away if you can’t deal but at least give them the benefit of being put on notice. And not in an angry way. All they’ll end up hearing is the Charlie Brown teacher voice with a view of the proverbial “angry black woman”.
So here’s my unsolicited, unprofessional advice to the above pet peeves:
· Mention that it makes you feel safe or special that he is escorting you
· Mention that you are a better conversationalist via the phone and that texting doesn’t allow you focus your full attention on the conversation since you can be distracted or not hear the text alert
· If he plans a first date that is close to where he lives mention the extra distance it takes to get there, that you want to devote more time getting to know him instead of cutting the date short due to the drive there and back and offer another area/place to meet with promises that you’d like to try his first spot in the future when you aren’t so pressed for time.
· Mention that you like spontaneous guys but you also feel really special when a guy takes the time to plan a date for you. Also mention that you are a busy gal so sometimes last minute rings for dates don’t work out because you try to make plans early in the week (especially for weekends)
· If I’ve been dating a guy a while and I call him with a problem, while it’s nice to think he’ll be all superman, some guys need to be asked.
Me: my car broke down
Him: that’s horrible. Did you call triple A?
Him: good, keep me posted
Old me: thinking- seriously dude? You don't want to offer to pick me up or send me a cab, something?
New me: I have to figure out how I'm going to get home now from here (hint , hint, then ask him directly if that don't work)
Me: cough cough, I’m sick
Him: oh no. get plenty of rest and take something for it
Me: I am….
Him: Ok cool, well keep me posted, I’ll text you later to check in on you
Old Me: thinking- he don’t care nuthin bout me (yeah in my Ms. Sophia from the Color Purple voice)
New Me: Well I could use some chicken soup (or more medicine or a burger whatever you need to help). I’m just too weak to go get it. (hint, hint)
Morale of the story, it’s not so much about teaching and more about sharing. I expect a person not to rob me but there are plenty of robbers out there. We can’t expect everyone to be raised like us and we definitely can’t expect everyone to value the same things as we do. With that in mind, let a guy know so he’s in on what you have going on in your mind.